Kentucky Bourbon Trail
It was early September and I decided to take some time off from work. I had been working the entire summer and decided I deserve a little get away. I thought about many destinations but could not decide.
Luckily for me, my college friend Charles Smith, invited me to Norway. He offered to let me stay at his place. He lived alone and had no family there. After he got offered the job, he immediately flew off, leaving everyone he knew in Chicago. I guess he needed to see a familiar face so I said yes.
He lived in Oslo, the capital of Norway. Having arrived from an exhausting flight, we immediately went back to his place. He was a bit far from the airport but I did not mind the drive.
We talked and caught up on our old memories. He asked me if I still drink. I told him the truth about drinking here and there and he seemed happy. He said he had a real treat for me in his apartment.
He lived quite a luxurious life in a well furnished apartment. He had even a small fire place in his living room, in front of which stood two comfortable chairs, separated by a small coffee table. It looked just like a scene from the books.
After freshening up, I came to the living room again. Charles was waiting for me with two glasses of something. I asked him what it was and he replied it was Kentucky Bourbon Trail.
I had of course heard of the drink but never got a chance to try it. I tasted the bourbon, immediately liking it. More talk followed up as I tasted more and more of the infamous Kentucky Bourbon Trail.
I soon lost my recollection of time and started feeling woozy. Even when I think about it today, it is hard to remember what exactly happened. From what Charles told me it was quite the night.
Apparently I had too much of the delicious drink. He had told me about some farmer he was representing, since he was a lawyer. There was some silly dispute about the ownership of a pig and I remember laughing about it way too much.
I remember how the male pig from one farm fertilized the pig from the other. Both pigs had won some awards and the farmers speculated that their child could bring them even more fame. They got greedy and started the argument, even involving the law for such a silly dispute.
Charles claims I held a speech about how I am never doing anything interesting in my life. I expressed my wish to be the hero or to help someone so I got a crazy idea. I took my wallet, jacket and after writing the address of the farmer, left the flat. Charles wanted to follow me but he had another bottle of Kentucky Bourbon Trail and he was determined to drink it.
Aileen is the name of the girl who I stumbled upon after leaving my friends flat. She was quite a peculiar woman, either seeking to go on an existing adventure, or simply wanting to see how drunk I was. She was kind enough to give me a lift to my destination.
It turns out that Kentucky Bourbon Trail gave me the confidence I never had. I had never been talkative with girls but, as Aileen says, I never shut up. I had somehow managed to speak the tale of my life to a girl, ask her to marry me and weep silently when she said no in an hour long drive.
In a sign of protest to her rejection I took off my clothes and remained in my shoes and underwear. Aileen found this funny of course, so she did not stop me. Apparently I had also sung Katy Perry’s “I kissed a girl” on the ride there and forced Aileen to pull over the car until my singing stopped being funny.
We got to the farm somewhere around 2 AM. I was still under the influence of the Kentucky Bourbon Trail meaning I was still decisive not to put on any clothes.
The farmer was luckily a heavy sleeper so my loud drunken words were only heard by Aileen. I walked around the farm for 30 minutes until I finally found what I was looking for.
The pigs were held in the muddy yard of the barn. There were maybe twenty of them, fast asleep in the night. A half-naked man woke them up and got their attention.
Aileen still has a video of me trying to save them. I had run into the wall between the pigs and the outside world many times, ranting about how I will save the little pig from the evil farmers.
I soon realized that I cannot break through so I looked for another way inside. I never did anything illegal in my life before but I somehow managed to pick a lock and break inside.
The rest of the memory is blurry to me. Charles found me half naked, muddy all over, in the bathtub with a small piglet in my hands. Of course he took a photo which will prevent me from ever forgetting that night. I had no recollection of what happened and lay there looking terrifyingly at the small piglet.
I had left my phone with Aileen, so I called her and she came over soon to return me my stuff. She told me how the farmer got woken up by the thumping and threatened to call the cops. I ran into living area of the pigs and apparently hugged them. They did not share my affections so I got tossed around in the mud a lot. I saw the little piglet and decided to be the hero and solve the dispute once and for all.
If it weren’t for Charles and his smooth talking, I would be in jail right now. That is how I learned my lesson. Never taste too much of the Kentucky Bourbon Trial.